New habits?

Again, I have some work to do tonight, but I'm blogging first.

What I posted yesterday has continued on like a conversation in my mind. I wrote,

Asking for help, admitting things are not alright invites others in. You reveal your vulnerability. And with that, you release your control. When you ask for change, it may not be exactly the change you are looking for--there are two people involved in the outcome now.

So I'm trying to figure out how to reframe it. When I'm feeling abandoned, should I think differently about it so that I can keep my independence but not feel miserable? Or should I just ask for help, and let go?

But I realized I was not acknowledging one of the big components in this swirl. Fear.

Asking for helps from others is scary. You need to let go, not just of your independence and your control of the situation and outcome, but you need to trust as well. When you ask for help, you open up the possibility that the other person will disappoint you.

But what's the alternative? A never ending cycle of feeling abandoned, then shutting people out.

So I think my task is to reframe things this way--when I'm feeling abandoned and needing help, I need to make the goal to connect with others, rather than getting the help to achieve a certain outcome. Focus on connecting, and the help will come.