100 haiku challenge, 57

Sweet, crunchy, fall leaves
already. It's September.
I wear my sweater.

I am/not

It's been a rough couple of weeks at work.

I am
Not a manager.
Though I may attend weekly management meetings
Where we wade through forecasts and org charts
Policies and programs
Though I’ve hired
And fired
And have now laid off
What some call human capital
Though I have nine reports whom
I hold accountable
For the duties of their jobs
And to meet the goals
We set annually.

I am
Not strategic.
Though it is
The thing to be these days
And god forbid
You like to get things done
For you may forever
Be labeled as tactical
Or merely, “good at execution.”

And I don’t make decisions
Based on the reality of the business.
Though I have added up dollars and cents
Cost and ROI
Weighed risk and opportunity
Because the reality of our business
Is that the business exists because of us,
For us.
We are the business.

And though it may
Not be what you want to hear,
I am
not a leader.
Because using that word
Presumes I have followers
Ready to walk with me
into the distance
When everything right here
Is worth staying for
And the only true destination
Is deep inside
And that, by necessity,
Is an unguided journey.

I’d rather dream than plan.
I’d rather love than profit.
I’d rather feel deeply than forecast.

What I am
is the one
Who unsynchs
Unsynergizes
Unfocuses
Unfollows
Wandering off to
Look for treasure
Buried deep.

I am the one
who doesn’t think of it as a job
Or a business or a paycheck
Or a career path
Because what it is
Is a craft
An art
A science
A curiosity
An itch.

I am a garden
of green light
I am a heart
A body
A thinker
A dreamer
A poet
An artist
A creator.

I can teach you
how to see
how to listen
how giving away
everything you've got
can feel like a privilege
I can teach you
how to tell the truth.