D. is blissfully asleep for the first time today--well, sort of if you don't count his passing out in the stroller during our morning walk. He's snuggled into the inside of my Boppy pillow on the couch next to me. It's not standard napping procedure, but I'll take it. And I feel like I don't have much to write, but still, I want to claim this time as my own and put some words on the page...any words will do!
I was telling T. last night that being a mom is one big mindfuck. You spend a lot of time craving the company of adults, wishing you could just have an hour of your old, unencumbered life back, and then when you do get a break all you want to do is go spend time with your kid. "Huh," he said, "I don't feel that way at all." I don't know whether he's lucky or I am.
I'm recovering from a weekend with a house guest. A old friend came all the way from New York to visit, and by the time she left I was totally drained for trying to balance everyone's needs, including my own need to be a good mom/host/friend/etc. Maybe that's it. I just have to give up the idea of being a good anything, and just be what I am.
1 comment:
yes. yes. yes. i think your thoughts on motherhood are wonderful and you sound absolutely enamored by D. I say embrace it. wallow in it. take it all in! I say put those house guests to work burping D. and such. that always made me feel special visiting my niece.
Post a Comment