I went to a former co-worker's bridal shower yesterday. She wore a pink dress and a tiara. We ate bad food (everything had meat in it! the salad had salami, the pasta had ground beef...so I ate a few celery stalks and a piece of bread...no one ever thinks of the gd vegetarians), we played stupid games (bridal bingo), and watched her open her HUUUGE stack of gifts (registry: Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn, aka. nice, expensive stuff).
Ah, it sucked. It made me depressed and self-loathing, because I had to be there for three hours with all these people I didn't know, pretending to have fun and be interested. I hate it when I can't act like myself.
It also made me sad that my mom didn't offer to throw me a shower.
I have to admit, the one really sweet thing was watching her with all her aunties and her family friends. Many of the older women there had obviously watched her grow up. Of course the shower was stupid to me; I've only known her for a short time. But to all the other women there, the crappy salad and the silly games had meaning. Behind the gooing and gahing over dishware is a powerful ritual of a girl growing up and becoming an adult, becoming one of the clan.
I resist ceremony. I know I do. It's my own fault. And then I long for it at the most inappropriate time. It would have been nice to have my mom and some of her friends that have known me all my life, all together. It's continuity, it's relatedness, and that's a good thing. When I break with the past by choosing to do things in non-traditional ways, I shoot myself in the foot, in a way. Because,
Non-tradtional=individual=an invitation for isolation.
Traditional=groupthink=accepting the will of the pack.
I can't say that'd I'd do it all differently were I to do it all again, because I've never been so keen on herd mentality. I think I'd rather chew my own leg off than be chained to the group. But observing the way other women choose to live their lives does make me question my decisions, wonder about their impact down the road.
Oh yeah...and speaking of impact...I hope that I never gave my former co-worker the link to this blog.
3 comments:
Tiara!!!!!! And a *pink* dress.
Holy crap.
I feel exactly the same way you do about bridal showers--possibly more so. Loathe and detest. Loathe and detest. I went to exactly one--when I was 20--and it was awful even though it was for the person who had been my best friend in high school.
Why did you feel obligated to go if you don't even know this woman well?
I could go on and on (as you know), but I should get back to work. Sorry you had such a wasted day.
I actually feel the same way about baby showers - even when I'm genuinely happy for the recipient, I just feel like a big old phony giggling and cooing over cute baby things with everyone else. And of course there's the inevitable question from someone you don't know about your own child-bearing plans. yipe.
People who take showers with their clothes on should have their heads examined. Or at least register for a washer and dryer.
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