Honeycrisp apples are the invention of mediocrity, come to fruition this fall. An enormous genetic windfall. It's the first time I've ever heard an apple promoted on the radio. The name: "honeycrisp." So literal and American. It the simpler, less sophisticated cousin of the gala and the fuji.
One has to eat a honeycrisp with a stack of napkins handy. Otherwise you will l have sticky hands and wrists and drips on your chin and all over the furniture. It is not an apple for the delicate.
Honeycrisp. Honeycomb. Crispy Crunch. Honey smacks. Crackle pop.
No matter how big and beautiful, I just can't trust a honeycrisp apple. Like a big, blowsy, Las Vegas trophy wife. Painted face, sequined jeans and stiletto heels. Not too much trouble but still disturbing.
It's what the executives wanted from a red delicious, which is truly a bit of marketing genius because although they are red they are never delicious but rather mealy and too sweet. Easily bruised. Over-waxed.
Red delicious. Superstitious. Regal bitches. Sew on stitches. Made for riches.
3 comments:
Ah, so the honeycrisp is the whore of the red apple world. Of course, one doesn't actually marry the honeycrisp and take it home to meet the folks.
But it'll deffinately tide you over...
My dad was just raving about Honeycrisp apples the other day. He is not a man of sophisticated tastes. One of his favorite things is that Thanksgiving dish of yams with marshmallows baked on top of them. In short, it's sweet he likes it and the sweeter it is the more he likes it.
Totally agree with you about Red Delicious apples. They are horrible.
Have you tried Pink Ladies? I think they're pretty good.
Gee, I just had a honeycrisp for the first time the other day and loved it. Of course, it was my first apple in, oh, about 15 years. I used to have an allergic reaction to apples and so didn't eat them for a long time. Now I'm back on them... and was seduced by a big gorgeous display of honeycrisps at the gourmet/organic grocery store.
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